help

what else can i do?

i feel like i cant fix this.

im scared.
&
confused.

i really dont know what to do.

im trying sooo hard but it seems to not be good enuff.

please help me.

yay my computers fixed!!!

yesss it is but its not that great i liked having it broke. ha weird i know.

ummmm usually i liek this to write on about things cuz no one reads this but i dont really know what to say.

ive been in tennis and ive been getting home sooo late and been soo tired.

grades have been kinda decent

nothing really knew.

been talking to a guy latley.

been getting hurt latley.

im confused latley.

need to figure out my thoughts but ive been trying to avoid it cuz it seems like its been scaring me and idk.

i think things like this are sooo confusing i just need help/.

ah jeez.

actually ijust want to talk to him right now.

but theres a problem.

lets just say his gf.

eek yeah.

this makes things soo much mroe complicated then i already thought they ah man.

just another entry.

yeah no one reads this at all soo ill just talk about how i feel rite now....
okay schools been fine
family has been fine
friends have been fine
other things are just fine.
i did super bad on my big algebra test.
i really didnt like that stupid teacher and now my grade is gonna be horrible.
its about 5 right now and im really bored i have nothing to do.
no hmwrk.
no chores.
no one to talk to.
all my friends and family have things of their own going on right now.
it seems like they dont really have time to have a stupid lengthy convo with me.
not trying to sound pathetic at all.
i was gonna go to the meet at the jr high today but my friend i guess didnt really want to go. i dont really blame her and im not gonna be immature and get mad about it but like it kind of i guess in a little way made me kind of sad.
i dont know when the next one is.
and i probally wont go anyways for many reasons.
some of them being:
-no friend would want to go with me.
-id feeel awkward with all little stupid drama jr high kids.
-and idk if i should really go at all, because id only be going to see one person and i dont really think hed care if i went or not.
and i dont really feel important to that person anymore.
i use to a lot.
i felt like the needed me and wanted to talk to me.
now i feel like nothing at all and it honestly really sucks because i want to be important and special.
i feel like im not better than any of his other female friends.
and it makes me reallly jealous and depressed.
and if you are a random person reading this ridiculous blog/entry im sorry for my patheticness and you should really top reading this because its a total waste of time.
but i dont really know what to do with that anymore.
i dont think there really is anything i can do so yeah.
but  guess ill write more some other day when i feel like it.

p.s. tennis tmrw not really excited at all think ill suck and give up but im gonna try and get over that because if thats my attitude then of course things will go bad.

pudding.

yeahh today was decent.
 jealous monster came out today
which is never good..but sometimes that happens.
uhhh its a friday and ive got nooo plans...
sad i know.
hopefully ill have some plans for tomorrow.
anyways um yeah nothing new.
i might do tennis.
but i dont really know.
im kind of scared/nervous.
and tonight i might go to caseys.
but she might be busy sooo idk.
itd be fun though.
then my computer was broke yesterday and someone fixed it.
i was kind of happy.
today was spanish test and i think i did farely decent.
hmm well i dont think theres anything else to say.

soo ill update some other time..

byyyyee

ehhh disgusted.

boys reallly tick  me off.
they can be sooo stupid sometimes for what?
whyyy do they have to do that kind of crap infront of their friends?
i dont get it.
but instead of showing that person i got mad i first but up my away but then figured they would porbally think i was mad or something soo i just went invisible.
gayy?
yeahhh thats what i think but ughh i just reallly dont need this right now.
i wanted to talk and just because hes at his friends...hes going to be a stupid fricking fag to me!!??
sooo does that mean im never going to be able to talk to him seriously? or what?
ughhh idk im confused.
and family yeahhhh all they do is talk to me for when i do things bad or when i need to do something... yeahh not sooo great and then my butt gets chewed out for getting ticked about it...ughh gayyy.
and when i wanted to talk about that and other inportant things i was uspet abouT the boy wants to joke and crap when i just wanted to talk!!!.

ughh please help me.

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